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Trump to Kim: "Bring it on"

Speaking before a newly hung painting of General George Armstrong Custer, the president echoed his predecessor's famous last words to the Sioux and Cheyenne at little Bighorn by challenging the North Korean leader to "Bring it on."

By G. A. Custer, VI

Entering the room to the tune of "She Wore a Yellow Ribbon" played by the Air Force Marching Band, and wearing an original pair of John Wayne boots and spurs worn in the movie of the same title, President Trump told reporters that opponents of U.S. occupation forces in Asia are in for a big surprise.

It was only the third White House press conference in nearly nine months. The lowest yearly total during President Obama's two terms was 23. According to advisors, the press conference was hastily called an attempt to counteract the seemingly endless stream of bad news coming out of Asia and with polls showing almost two-thirds of the American people opposing his recent saber rattling.

Full Body Cavity Search for Hillary
Trump took the first question from Rush Limbaugh. "Mr. President, some lying, lilly-livered, homosexual loving New England liberals have unpatriotically criticzed your support of the South Korean people against the tyranny of Kim Jong-un. What would you say to them, and what would you say to the tiny minority of Americans that oppose you?"

Trump was just about to aswer when a tussle broke out, and a woman was hastily pulled from the room. Trump seemed to ignore what was happening and thanked Rush for his question, and after congratulating him on successfully completing his 14th whirlwind thirty day drug detox program, explained that "Hillary was just escorted from the room and detained for a routine security check and doesn't belong in this room anyway and has no press credentials. She'll undergo a full body cavity search but then be released. In any case, I'd like to thank Mr. Limbaugh for filling in for one of those fake news guy I had banned. . Now as to your queston. . . . Kim is brutal dictator, but soon will be gone. I'm hoping they'll finish the covert operations in a couple of weeks."

"This guy Kim will be in for a big surprise and will be eating mushroom steak for weeks."

Guano or Guantanamo?
After Rush thanked him for his kind words. Trump smirked coyly and replied, "If they think we are going to turn tail and run, I have a surprise for them." Pausing for a second, he suddenly pounded his fist on the podium and loudly belowed, "Bring it on. We will respond with fire and fury. We are locked and loaded. He'll be eating mushroom stakes for weeks." Raising his voice and foaming slightly from the mouth, he continued, "We will kick ass, and there's plenty of room in Guano Bay (an apparent reference to Guantanamo Bay in Cuba) for that Kim fellow. I do want to say Rush, however, that there are good liberals out there. Let's not paint them all with the same Rush (followed by press core silence). Although we wouldn't need a very big brush."

I'm no wimpy liberal like Obama. Nor do I tolerate threats without making my own.

The next question was from a CNN reporter, who pointing to the portrait hanging behind the president said, "I see you've replaced the portrait of George Washington with one of General Custer. Should we read anything symbolic into this?" The president smirked again, countering, "Well John from Fake News, I'm glad you asked that. You see, we both share something in common. In the face of danger, we never turn tail and run. Confronted by six thousand warriers at the Little Bighorn, Custer gallantly charged those heathens and told them to 'bring it on.' So when I issued the same challenge to that two bit fat boy Kim, I was carrying on in the General Custer tradition."

The More Terror Attacks the Better
A correspondent from the BBC was called on next. She attempted to correct what the president had just said, stating "Isn't it an historical fact that Custer had initially attacked and attempted to hold the indian women and children at the camp as hostages? And didn't the camp contain an estimated 4,000 women, children and other non-combatants and only about 2,000 warriers? And didn't the warriers attack in defense of their women and children.

The president seemed stunned by the challenge, and was overheard whispering to an aid "How the f--k did she get in here? . . . Was what she said true?" However, he quickly recovered and said, "No. That's Fake Indian news. I'll take two more questions." The first question dealt with the rising number of American casualties in Afghanistan. President Trump responded with a smirk, saying, "Well I told you all this before. So this is the last time I'm going to deal with it. So get your pencils necks out, Geeks. The more soldiers they kill, the more it means we are succeeding. So by my body count, we've just had a couple of real good weeks."

I'm all for gays and stuff like that, after all, I'm a uniter not a divider.

The final question came from a reporter from The New York Times, and concerned the president's recent decision to prohibit transgender soldiers in the military, "I'm all for gays and stuff like that, after all, I'm a uniter not a divider. I'm only opposed to those freaks, like those Bruce Jenner types, in the military. The service is supposed to be only for men or women. Not turncoats on their own sex. When you grab a crotch, you want pussy to be their, not a dick. Thank you and god bless America."   

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