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George W. Bush Named Al Qaeda's
"Man of the Year" for 2008

The surprising announcement came today by Osama bin Laden himself during an "invitees only" press conference at an undisclosed location just outside of Karachi, Pakistan.

By Michael Castellano

The announcement today by a healthy looking Osama bin Laden that Al Qaeda Magazine had named George W. Bush "man of the year" sent shock waves across the Western world. In a tape released to the Associated Press, bin Laden is seen addressing a large gathering of "invitees," including many members of the Arabic press. While no location for the outdoor press conference was given, the skyline of Karachi could clearly be seen in the background.

Speaking in Arabic, bin Laden explained the reasoning behind the award. "Of course, Mr. Bush is an enemy of ours as well as an infidel, but that's not why we selected him. Bush won the award, and it was in a landslide, because (pointing to chart -- right) he has the IQ of a moron and is easily the most incompetent world leader inhabitating the planet. He has done more harm to America that we could ever do, more harm than even a couple of low yield nuclear bombs."

"There is no truth to rumors that Al Qaeda has secretly met with one candidate's campaign manager who was pleading with us to endorse the other candidate."

Half way through the press conference another large chart was wheeled out, also written in English, which listed some of the reasons Bush was selected. Standing next to the chart with a pointer, bin Laden explained, "This is a partial list of things Mr. Bush has done to hurt America and help Al Qaeda." The list included:

Invading Iraq 1: Over 1 trillion dollars to date spent with no appreciable imperial gains.

Invading Iraq 2: Opened borders to Al Qaeda infiltration leading to establishment of hundreds of Al Qaeda cells throughtout the country where none had been before.

Invading Iraq 3: Led to increased tensions in the region and spiraling out of control oil costs.

Invading Iraq 4: Borrowed money for war instead of raising taxes and/or selling war bonds, making America a debtor nation dependent on foreign countries like China.

9/11 Aftermath: Continues to spend billions of dollars on useless anti-terrorist security measures and fund unsanitary projects which force millions of Americans to eat pork.

Hurricane Katrina: Appointed Arabian horse trainer to head up emergency relief agency, stood by fiddling while thousands died and tens of thousands were stranded for a week without help.

Destruction of Civil Rights: Mr. Bush has done more to undermine decadent democratic values in America than we could ever hope for. It's one of the few things we admire him for.

Destruction of U.S. Economy: We were surprised it took so long, but finally Mr. Bush has succeeded in ruining the U.S. economy for decades to come.

Osama then apologized for not going over the full list. "Being so close to Karachi we are time limited this afternoon, so I apologize for not going over the entire list, which would have taken many hours." Asked about the U.S. presidential race, bin Laden seemed to get defensive. "There is no truth to rumors that Al Qaeda has met with one candidate's campaign manager who was pleading with us to endorse the other candidate. But I can say that we do like that Obama fellow, he's a secret brother muslim even though he has been hiding that fact for fear of discrimation."   



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