Clinton's Penis Made Me Do It
(On Friday the White House announced that President Bush would come out swinging against anti-war critiques in the Democratic Party. The Bush quotes that follow are taken from his Veteran's Day speech.)
BUSH: "While it's perfectly legitimate to criticize my decision or the conduct of the war, it is deeply irresponsible to rewrite the history of how that war began."
THE SLIME: For once we agree with the president. Of course, he and his administration have been busy trying to rewrite the history of the entire planet for the last five years, so perhaps the president should give his oppponents a few tips on how it's done.
BUSH: "Some Democrats and anti-war critics are now claiming we manipulated the intelligence and misled the American people about why we went to war."
BUSH: "These baseless attacks send the wrong signal to our troops and to an enemy that is questioning America's will."
THE SLIME: In other words, critics of the president's policies in Iraq are traitors. Well, the president was at least in the ballpark on this one, athough we believe he got his noun placements mixed up -- with the traitors in this equation being the promoters of the war in Iraq.
Perhaps we should ask Vice President Cheney to address this issue? After all, if these attacks were so baseless why did he leak Valerie Plume's CIA identify to the public through his chief of staff Scooter Libby in an effort to discredit her husband Joe Wilson? (A former ambassador to Niger, Wilson went public with the fact that he had reported to both the CIA and the White House that the "evidence" of Saddam trying to purchase yellow-cake uranium from Niger was fraudulent and a likely hoax a full year before the president used the phoney evidence in his nationwide speech.)
THE SLIME: One has to wonder if Bush, professing to being a religious man, winced when he made this statement expecting to be stuck down by a bolt of lightning? Of course, the charges by Bush opponents have been based on evidence that the president cherry-picked intelligence reports that helped his case for war whether they were credible or not and ignored those that did not, as opposed to fabricating "evidence" on his own.
BUSH: "They believe that America can be made to run again, only this time on a larger scale, with greater consequences."
By the way and for the record, the major of Democrats in the House and Senate voted AGAINST giving Bush war powers in Iraq. And just about everything that the anti-war movement predicted would happen months BEFORE the war started has come to pass.
Say the Secret Word
Blog Sources:
Bush takes on critics of Iraq war
THE SLIME: For shame on all those disloyal Democrats and the 60% of the American people who oppose the war in Iraq. The White House would never do such a thing, would they? They would never have the president tell the country on nationwide TV that Saddam was trying to buy yellow-cake uranium to build nuclear bombs when they knew this charge to have been false for more than a year. And they would never have told the country that Saddam had millions of tons of weapons of mass destruction which could be delivered on top of Washington and New York in twenty minutes if it wasn't true. And they never would have had Colon Powell tell the U.N. and virtually the entire plant that Saddam had made centrifuges to refine fissionable nuclear materials if it wasn't absolutely true, would they? Or lied and told us that mobile trucks that were being used by the Iraqis for innocent purposes were really portable bio-weapons facilities.
And when the president told the nation that Saddam had not complied with U.N. weapons inspectors, even though the U.N. inspectors themselves had said that he was, he was telling the truth, wasn't he? And when Saddam Hussein went as far as to start destroying his short range missles to avoid an invasion and even let all his political prisoners out of jail, Bush again told us that he was not cooperating. Surely the White House was telling us the truth, weren't they?
BUSH: The Senate Intelligence Committee report issued in July 2004 said the committee "was not presented with any evidence that intelligence analysts changed their judgments as a result of political pressure, altered or produced intelligence products to conform with Administration policy, or that anyone even attempted to coerce, influence or pressure analysts to do so."
THE SLIME: It is extremely important to note that the president's Veterans Day speech totally avoided any discussion of actual policy or strategy in Iraq. We are thus left with the following implied but unstated rationale for war: "Yes, we're sorry and admit that our entire premise for war was based on lies and faulty intelligence. But you Democracts also believed the lies and supported the war, so you are all hypocrits and traitors for abandoning me now." Or to be put even blunter, "We can't afford to lose face now even though we never should have started this war in the first place."
A fourteen letter word never heard or spoken at the White House. Email us the correct answer and we'll mention your name in our next blog. (Degree of Difficulty: "a piece of cake")