April 18, 2006

"I hear the voices."

At a Rose Garden gathering today to announce his choices for budget director and trade representative, an angry President Bush sought to clear the air concerning recent demands by both administration critics and at least 6 former generals that Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld be replaced for "his total failure" in directing the war in Iraq.

Smirking and squinting in the bright Washington sun before a large gathering of reporters, Bush volunteered the following gems:

BUSH: "I hear the voices . . ."

THE SLIME: It's wasn't clear to us whether Bush was referring to critics of Rumsfeld or the voice of the almighty, which our messianic president has publicly claimed on several occasions to be directly speaking to him, and guiding his fury little decision-making hands.

Or perhaps the president had just seen a rerun of that Bruce Willis movie where the little kid keeps saying, "I see dead people." This would make sense because we've been seeing a lot more dead people since Bush has been president.

BUSH: "I read the front page."

THE SLIME: A brilliant commentary and an astute observation by the president, right up there in profundity with classics like "See Spot run" and "Mary had a little lamb." At least we know he can read.

BUSH: "I'm the decider."

THE SLIME: We congratulate the president on his creation of yet another new word for the English language. Either it means a decision maker or someone who turns apple cider back into apple juice. Well, we guess it's not any sillier that the Beatles singing "I am the egg man, I am the walrus . . ."

BUSH: "What's best is for Don Rumsfeld to remain as the secretary of defense."

THE SLIME: Which is very bad news for everyone else.

In related news, Rumsfeld picked up support from the neo-con establishment in the form of an op-ed by four retired generals published in The Wall Street Journal:

WALL STREET JOURNAL: "Much of the acrimony expressed by Secretary Rumsfeld's military critics appears to stem from his efforts to 'transform' the military by moving to a joint expeditionary force that is lighter and more mobile in nature to meet the nation's current and future threats."

THE SLIME: "Lighter" here means illegally invading and controlling a country the size of Pennsylvania on the cheap with less than half the number of troops most military planners believed was required. By "mobile" they mean sending troops in Iraq from city to city to crush popular revolts only to withdraw them to be sent to another trouble spot, leaving the cities to be reoccupied by the same insurgents.

WALL STREET JOURNAL: "Many senior officers and bureaucrats did not support his transformation goals -- preferring conventional weapons of the past ... which prove practically useless against lawless and uncivilized enemies engaged in asymmetric warfare," the writers continued."

THE SLIME: Of course, they fail to mention that the current military strategy, which itself was illegal, uncivilized, and in violation of international law, has proved just as useless and ineffective. The only way to have "won" this war would have been to never have invaded Iraq in the first place. In other words, there is no winning strategy.

WALL STREET JOURNAL: "It unfortunately appears that two of the retired generals (Messrs. Zinni and Newbold) do not understand the true nature of this radical ideology, Islamic extremism, and why we fight in Iraq. We suggest they listen to the tapes of United 93," the piece continued, referring to the hijacked plane that went down in Pennysylvania on 9/11."

THE SLIME: In other words, anyone who criticizes Bush or Rumsfeld is unpatriotic and a terrorist sympathizer, including the six retired three star generals calling for Rumsfeld's hide.

Blog Sources:

Bush: 'I'm the decider' on Rumsfeld: April 18, 2006.