December 17, 2010

Obama to
Party Change

Confidential sources within the administration have informed The New York Slime that President Barak Obama will made a stunning announcement to the nation during his state of the union address next month: Mr. Obama will tell the country and the Congress that he is changing parties and has re-registered as a Republican.

While critics in his party, including many from the progressive and liberal base, have argued for months that Mr. Obama has been acting more like a Republican than a Democrat, the news that he will actually switch parties was nevertheless met with shock and disbelief by those we informed just prior to the release of this article.

Said one prominent liberal upon hearing the news, "I just don't believe he would do this. But then again, he did promise change and this would certainly be considered change, which up till now has been in short supply."

Change We Can Believe In?
Most people that were informed dismissed the news as either being ridiculous or a prank of some sort. Said one prominent liberal upon hearing the news, "I just don't believe he would do this. But then again, he did promise change and this would certainly be considered change, which up till now has been in short supply." A long-term progressive known for her scathing criticisms of the president could not be convinced that it wasn't a joke. Laughing rather loudly she remarked, "What did you say was your source, The New York Slime? Well I guess they deserve credit for scooping The Onion."

Gay Democrats were also perplexed by the news. "He says he's opposed to DADT (Don't Ask, Don't Tell), but his justice deparment has appealed the court ruling striking it down. He says he's a fierce advocate of gay rights and then invites his "close friend," anti-gay minister Rick Warren, to give his presidential invocation. He says he opposed the Bush tax cuts and then turns around and makes a deal to extend them. So I suppose it's possible."

Centrist Democrats who were approached with the news vehemently denied this would be possible. Said one hign ranking official in the DLC, "This is simply preposterous. The president has reached out to Republicans on an unprecendented level, more than any other Democrat in our history. There is no reason for him to have to switch parties." Another DLCer was more blunt. "At this stage and after this last deal on the Bush tax cuts, he doesn't have to. All those Republican stockings hung up for Christmas are straining under the weight of the president's generosity."

Some Centrist Democrats went even further. "If Obama is considering changing parties, it's understable given the grief he has been given by disloyal left wing elements in his own party. I mean, see how nicely things went when the president sat down with that cop to have a beer. You know, the registered Republican guy who was unfairly accused of racially profiling a buddy of the president's who was arresting for talking disrespectfully to an officer. The president was graceful enough to admit he was wrong to prejudge the case. After all, there's nothing unusual about being handcuffed and arrested for trying to get into your own house. But that sort of meeting could never happen with the whinners in the party who expect the president to be the next reincarnation of Karl Marx."

To further confirm the veracity of its administration source, The New York Slime approached contacts in the District of Columbia voter registration offices and was able to obtain information that Mr. Obama may have already submitted of a change of party registration form as of December 1, 2010. The new party affiliation would take effect next year. Below is a copy:

However, The Slime has not been able to independently confirm the authenticy of Mr. Obama's registration as the form box verifying his U.S. citizenship was not checked, raising suspicions that the source may be fraudulent and have Tea Party affiliations. However, The Slime reports that it is confident of its administration sources as to the party change but has promised to seek further coroboration.

Reagan, Simpson Featured on White House Walls
Anecdotal evidence of the coming party change abounds. The most conspicuous of this was the huge, 10 x 5 photograph of Ronald Reagan that was recently hung in the White House recreation room. A less conspicuous but still large photo of Obama introducing Erkine Bowles and Alan Simpson displayed nearby has also raised some eyebrows. Simpson, a life long Republican and avowed enemy of social security, is perhaps best know in recent times for his infamous "Social Security Is Like a Milk Cow with 310 Million Tits" remark. Bowles and Simpson are members of Obama's Commission on Fiscal Responsibility and Reform, sometimes referred to by critics as "The Cat Food Commission."

The Sime has also learned that a portrait of George W. Bush has been hung in the Roosevelt Room, a window-less location which occupies the original site of the FDR's offices when president. The Oval Office, where President Obama conducts most of his business, contains a gold bust of former Republican New York governor Nelson Rockefeller, reported to be much admired by the president.

Perhaps the strongest circumstantial evidence of an approaching party change was the president's controversial deal with Republicans to extend the Bush tax cuts. Not only did the president agree to extening tax breaks for the wealthy, something he had repeatedly promised not to do in the past, he also tossed in a huge cut in the estate tax and offered to cut the social security payroll tax by two percent -- neither of which was even requested by the Republicans.

Liberal and progressive critics of the president's tax cutting deal were universally shocked by the Obama deal, one which was made without consulting the more liberal House of Representatives. They disputed the president's claims that it was the best deal he could get or that the deal was necessary to win the extension of unemployment benefits. As one person put it, "If he walks and talks like a Republican, and quacks incesently for tax cuts for the wealthy like a Republican, then he probably is a Republican."

Democratic Party Death Blow?
Democratic Party critics of the president have argued that the deal, while sure to pass Congress, amounts to a total capitulation to the Republican agenda. They believe the deal leaves Democrats with virtually nothing to run on in 2012. Perhaps the worst element of the deal, they say, was the inclusion of a 2% cut in the social security payroll tax. "If you couple this with the likely findings of Obama's rigged Commission on Fiscal Responsibility and Reform, it means cuts in social security benefits, medicare, and other vital government programs are going to be made while tax cuts heavily favoring the wealthy are adding nearly a trillion dollars to the deficit."

Unless you're a Tea Partier, you figured out from the start that Obama isn't really changing parties and this particular blog of mine is typical New York Slime political satire. However, in a very fundamental way it is not necessary for Obama to change political parties, as he has instead succeeded in completing the process of Republicanizing the Democratic Party. So in a very real sense he has become a Republican in amost every way but name.

A year ago in this blog I stated, "The effect of Obama's sharp turn to the right has set the stage for political disaster next year for the Democratic Congress, and placed him on the path to political suicide by slowly but steadily turning his own base of support against him. Making matters worse, despite catering to cororate interests and Wall Street in terms of economic policy and health care reform, and despite giving the Pentagon and the military industrial complex their way on the war in Afghanistan, these forces continue to mark Obama for destruction through their allies in the cororate owned media."

I sincerely wish I had been wrong.